The name's Ai Theeng.
I'm just you're ordinary adolescent living a rollercoaster life.But my thoughts can make scientist go nuts.While music may be my escape, writing is just another way I express myself, however when it comes to poetry and reports,I'm a total flunk.I may seem nice, now crossing the line is not something you'd like to do.I'm pretty simple when it comes to friends, honestly, just be yourself, cause if I happen to like you, I wouldn't be liking you for you would I?
Interests:Jack of all trades, master of none.Music, photography, art, and everything under the sun. I'm interested in practically everything, but have a bad habit of giving up after a while. Expertise:Jack of all trades, master of none.
Gee, this is another one of those days that you wanna hide from the rest of the world.
But, guess what?
AMERICAN. IDOL. Made. My. Day. Like literally, made my day. I was feeling all gloomy and down throughout the day, whilst putting on a mask and having a smile on my face.Call me weird, whatever, but Matt Giraud is my favorite next to Gokey, no girls, Adam's not my favorite.Sure he is talented, but can you imagine hearing his voice on the mainstream? That'd be creepy, but I loved his performance last week though, its so.. Sweeney Todd-ish.
Matt Giraud: the Bublé with a different edge. :D This isn't really common for me, but while they were announcing whether or not they'll use the save, I was jumping up and down in front of the tube screaming.Oh come on, he is really not that bad when he sticks to his own genre, dudee, have you heard him play the piano? It was heart gripping.
I know I have a couple of readers from the States, do rock the vote!
(edit) Ohh, and the good thing was that Matt's save made us forget that Miley performed, HAH. Nothing against her, I adore the Climb, its a wonderful song. But she certainly isn't someone I respect.
After she was gone, I'd write letters to her all the time, because during those few months, that was one thing that helped me resolve my bereavement. I'd honestly tell you, you would do the same if you were in my shoes, you would do anything to get rid of the pain when you are barely eleven years of age and is suddenly expected to grow up overnight. No I'm not looking for any sympathy - but if you want to give your condolence for mere respect, go ahead - I have enough of that to last me a lifetime. Some people might think that its crazy to write a letter to a deceased person, but I beg to refer. This is one way I keep her alive. I no longer write to her consistently, but if you have been following my site for quite some time, you'd notice that I write to her annually during her birthday and/or death anniversary. And today is her birthday.
But before I start here's something. (Note to certain unreasonably critical readers: If you have something against me keeping the memories of my late mother alive, you and your petulant arsenal can get the heck out of here. I am so tired of trying to please people, but must I refrain to remind you that this is a BLOG, I am entitled to my own thoughts and opinions.)
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Dear mom,
I know that you won't be able to read this and/or hear me. But journalizing about you and/or writing a letter, however asinine of me, is one way that I can hold on to the fragment memories of you being in my life. I miss you. I really do, and it breaks my heart to say this, but I don't really remember you. All I remember is your smile from pictures that contains nothing more than a frail memory that happened a long time ago, captured in a shot. Its not my fault is it? After multiple counseling sessions, I still can't fake a smile and blame myself for it. Did you know how hard was it for me to utter a conmonly used phrase like "I love you" to you when you were alive? And that must have been painful for you as a mother of a child who grew up watching Barney and Friends, a sitcom known for their theme song going " I love you, you love me.. ." Perhaps you noticed what I did, perhaps you didn't. But I was so scared. I was scared that if I said I love you, you would be taken away from me and that it would be the last time I'll ever get the chance to utter that three words to you.
You know, sometimes I would have this jaudiced feeling creeping from inside of me whenever I see a girl spending time with her mother. Perhaps it was because I was never given the chance to ardent a relationship with you when I was going through juvenesence. It was hell I tell you. But what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger right? Still doesn't change a thing, it would be lovely to have someone there to convide it when I was passing through an adversed part of life. I guess I thought that it was unfair for my older siblings to be able to have you in their lives longer than I had you in mine.
After you left, and when reality finally hit me, there was a lot of questions going through my mind. Questions that can't be answered. Why? Why did you push him, my brother, away? I never noticed it before, but as I begin to grow older, I can't help but wonder, did you push him away? Did you love him lesser that you loved us girls? That is something that can no longer be answered, only God knows what happened. But till this day, my heart yearns for him, for his childhood. He loves you a lot, and I'm sure you do too, but does he know. I would never admit this, but I really do. I can't stand having the knowledge that I can't do anything about him. I don't blame you, we're only human, human makes mistakes. But for a short period of time I was furious with you. It doesn't really matter anymore, what's done, done.
If I could, I would write a 40 page letter to you. But I guess that isn't really necessary anymore. So I'll just end this letter by saying I love you, and I miss you dearly. It doesn't need to be a heart-rending moment but I'd do anything to be able to have a chance to utter that three little words to you face-to-face for one last time. I hope that one day I'd be able to become a daughter whom you'll be proud of.Happy Birthday mom!
If Obama twittered, what would the contents on his page be? Be imaginative, and let me know. Okay, first of all this is awfully random, perhaps in one way or another out of curiousity.But a good question don't you think?For those of you that don't know what Twitter is - I don't blame you for not having any knowledge on it, 'cause to be frank I think its lame and probably invented for cyber stalkers - its something like a pulse on Xanga, status updates on Facebook, and Karma.
